Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: X-Over Edition
by Ghost Archer
Summary: Gill Hammerstein has decided to film the special episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in a new location with entirely new cast. Based on the video game SpongeBob: Lights, Camera, Pants!


**Hello, all! This is a crossover story that is based on my favorite SpongeBob video game: Lights, Camera, Pants! Gill Hammerstein chooses to film a special episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in a new location with an entirely new cast. Who has which role, you ask? Let's find out.**

**Note: I do not own anything featured.**

* * *

Key:

Segment Title

**TV Announcer**

_**French Narrator**_

Story

"Speech"

* * *

Introduction

_**The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! **_**Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy!**

"Most important meal of the day." Mermaid Man spoke as he shook Barnacle Boy.

"Oh, put me down, you old coot!" Barnacle Boy shouted.

**Protecting our cities and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch-nemesis, the Dirty Bubble.**

"Ooga-booga-booga!" Dirty Bubble laughs.

**And their second most arch-nemesis, Man Ray.**

"Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town?" Man Ray complained.

**Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing.**

"By the power of Neptune, unite!" Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy join rings.

* * *

Scene 1: Opera Concert (Sofia)

**The Toon City Opera House, a cultural hub of our proud art community. Home of quality music from the city's finest performers. And also… these guys.**

The camera cuts to a gathering of performers.

**It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's greatest crime fighters. And also…**

**These guys.**

The camera cuts to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their seats.

"Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy?" Mermaid Man asked lightly shaking his young ward.

"Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch." Barnacle Boy told him.

"Who's winning?

"What are you…?" Barnacle Boy stuttered before collecting himself. "Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical concert, not a football game."

"Ah, you're just saying that because your team's falling behind." Mermaid Man stupidly retorted.

Barnacle Boy groans annoyed. "No, I—oh, geez." Barnacle Boy gave up, knowing his words fall on deaf (and dumb) ears.

Mermaid Man waves a pennant. "Who's court?"

The camera cuts to the stage, where the choir stands at the ready, along with maestro Princess Sofia. For tonight, she's clad in a sparkling lavender dress and her auburn hair is tied back in a high ponytail.

"Good evening, everyone and welcome to tonight's performance. Hold on to your seats, because we're going on a magical ride. I present to you Fantasia!" Sofia announced as she taps her baton to start the song. The choir begins to sing.

"That quarterback is showing real progress this season." Mermaid Man commented, still under the belief that the concert is a football game. The performance continued.

"Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy?"

"That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of your chair, you old coot!" Barnacle Boy corrected.

Mermaid Man realized that. "I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either." He taps his belly and adjusts his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash that blinded the audience. The Opera House suddenly vanishes into thin air.

"What's happening? This isn't part of the performance!" Sofia gasped in shock.

Once the dust cleared, she saw the entire audience scattered about, including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.

"Oh, what did you do this time, Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy asked, sure that Mermaid Man is responsible for the damage. But he's not the only one who's convinced.

"Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Opera House! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!" A woman cried out in fear.

"Evil!" Mermaid Man blurted out as the audience members and performers fled the scene.

"Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man. We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested." Barnacle Boy agreed and grabbed Mermaid Man, dragging him out of what remained of the Opera House.

"I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things.

* * *

Scene 2: Police Chase (Chase)

After the sudden disappearance of the Toon City Opera House, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy ran to their invisible boat mobile. Mermaid Man jumps into the passenger seat, but Barnacle Boy landed butt first onto the ground. "Ow!" Barnacle Boy yelled in pain.

"Ooh! Sorry, Barnacle Boy." Mermaid Man apologized. "I must be in the passenger seat."

Mermaid Man moves over to the driver seat, allowing Barnacle Boy into the passenger seat. "Remind me again why we made the invisible boat mobile invisible."

Along the road, Chase of the PAW Patrol is stationed on a police bike. He's enjoying the sights so far. "It sure is nice to be out on patrol for a bit, even if it is just for today. I wonder what Ryder would think if I actually arrested someone. That would be…" His train of thought was cut off by the police radio.

**Officers, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile. They are believed to be old and dangerous.**

"Officer Chase, ready for action, chief sir!"

**Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?**

"Not yet, sir." Chase responded, just as two old people who appear to be floating sped right past him. His ears perk up at the sound of the engine. "But I have a feeling they're close."

**That sounded like the invisible boatmobile. Was that them?**

"Yeah, I just heard their engine." Chase responds.

**Apprehend them at once!**

"Chase is on the case!" Chase howls as he starts his police bike and chases after the heroes. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy hear loud sirens.

"Hey, I didn't know we had a radio." Mermaid Man spoke.

Chase gets closer as Mermaid Man imitates the siren.

"Sing along, Barnacle Boy. This song is my jam!"

"That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles!" Barnacle Boy said, looking back and seeing Chase. "We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested!"

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying?" Mermaid Man asked.

"FLOOR IT!" Barnacle Boy shouts, prompting his superior to speed up. Mermaid Man did just that and sped down the winding road. The police bike passes a car.

"Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on!" Mermaid Man drives down a different path.

Chase spots Cali along the way and sneezes just as he passes her. "Meow?"

**Request update on the chase, officer.**

"I see them, sir. I'm going in!" Chase reported as he pedals closer.

"Uh, Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy spoke trying to get his superior's attention.

"Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these tricky twists and turns." Mermaid Man told him off.

"Uhhh… Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy said again, unsure of the "shortcut".

"They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile!"

Turns out Mermaid Man's secret shortcut is really the parking lot of a driving school. Chase finally catches up and parks at the front.

"I'm bringing them in for interrogation, sir." Chase reported.

Meanwhile, the true perpetrator watches everything from the roof of the building.

"Bwahahaha! I can't believe that pesky police pup arrested those old heroes for my crime, leaving me to freely continue my path of villainy. Now to move on to step 2 of my master plan! Gwahahahahaha!" The perpetrator chuckled as he left the building.

The camera cuts to a news flash that featured the old heroes in a prison cell.

**Lance Lafontaine here with a breaking news report. It is believed that Bikini Bottom heroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are responsible for the disappearance of the Toon City Opera House. When questioned by local authorities, the older hero had this to say: "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The former heroes are currently serving time in the Toon City Penitentiary. We will keep you updated with further updates.**

* * *

Scene 3: Prison (Carmelita Fox)

Inside the Toon City Penitentiary, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. They go over what happened at the Opera House. "Now, let's review what has happened. Are you sure you didn't hit the building obliteration button when you were fooling around with your utility belt?"

"I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy." Mermaid Man said honestly. "I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and that's when I pressed this button by accident." He presses the button on the center of his buckle, creating the same flash that occurred at the Opera House.

"Oh! Geez!" Barnacle Boy stuttered as he shields his eyes from the flash. "I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. You're making me uncomfortable."

"Nothing to worry about, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. I installed it in case I ever grow a beard." Mermaid Man reassured as he pulls out a picture of his chin. "See? Hmm. No luck yet, but that's quite a chin I've got." He pulls out another picture of his chin. "And here's the picture I took at the Opera House just before it vanished."

"Well, I guess that proves you didn't cause the mess. This time at least." Barnacle Boy said, relieved that Mermaid Man was not to blame for the crime.

"You two want to know about a mess?" Both of the incarcerated heroes turn to see prison guard Carmelita Fox leaning on her table. "This prison once housed an inmate by the name Messy Messerson. Or maybe it was Stanley? He was a strange fellow, but at least he wasn't like a certain thief I know, that's for sure."

"Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley"." Barnacle Boy said, disapproving of Carmelita's comment.

"For once, you're right. It doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all." They hear a familiar voice from the cell next door. They see Man Ray get up from the prison bed. "Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Opera House disappeared too cleanly."

"Man Ray!" Mermaid Man recognized one of the other inmates.

Barnacle Boy gasps. "Our second most arch nemesis!"

"That's right, super-zeroes! It's me!" Man Ray exclaims.

The three of them growl at each other in a tense stand-off before stopping. "So, what're you in for?"

"I got caught jaywalking. What are the odds of that happening?" Man Ray responds. They share a laugh before Dirty Bubble floats into view.

"You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public park. Ho-ho!" Dirty Bubble shared his crime.

"The Dirty Bubble!?" Mermaid Man shouts

"Our number #1 arch nemesis!" Barnacle Boy exclaims.

Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble start growling at each other.

"Hey, knock it off! This is a prison, not a fight club!" Carmelita shouted.

"Spoilsport." Dirty Bubble sighed.

"Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Opera House. I think its disappearance is connected to a giant monster from the future." Carmelita thought.

"Monster?!" Barnacle Boy asked in surprise.

"That's what I thought, too. Or it could be the work of the Sneaky Hermit." Carmelita deduced.

"The Sneaky Hermit. Of course!" Man Ray deduced. "This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career!"

"What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit even do anyway?"

Just as he asks that, the entire building of the Toon City Penitentiary shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Toon City Opera House.

"I think it'd be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings." Dirty Bubble observed.

"A fine observation, my villainous companion." Man Ray agreed. "Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble!"

"Ooh, let's start with a bit of jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice." Dirty Bubble suggests as he leaves with Man Ray.

"You do know we have to catch those two, right?" Barnacle Boy said.

"All in good time, Barnacle Boy. For now, we focus on catching a hermit. We'll start at the beach, hermits love the beach. To the invisible boat mobile, away!" Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy left the remains of the prison, leaving a dazed Carmelita on the ground.

"Curse you, Sly Cooper…" Carmelita groaned dizzy as a ceiling tile falls on her.

The camera cuts to another news bulletin, showing Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy once more.

**Lance Lafontaine here with some breaking news. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Toon City Opera House. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.**

* * *

Scene 4: Toon City Beach (Lincoln Loud)

The news bulletin played on the miniature TV before the ice cream vendor shuts it off.

"Wow! You made the news, boss! I'm so happy!" Lincoln cheered over the walkie-talkie.

The Sneaky Hermit spoke gibberish through the walkie-talkie.

"Yeah, I've been keeping watch on what's going on." Lincoln said as he picks up some binoculars and looks through them. "Here's what I see." He sees a townsperson with glasses. "Beachgoer." He sees a strong man. "Beachgoer." He sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy coming. "A couple of old heroes." He sees a girl with an ice cream cone. "Beachgoer with ice cream."

The Sneaky Hermit spoke gibberish through the phone again.

"You know, I did see someone who looked like…" Lincoln trailed off when he saw Mermaid Man up close through his binoculars.

"Greetings, townsperson." Mermaid Man greeted.

"Yowzers!" Lincoln exclaimed as he ducked under the stand.

"What can I get you gentlemen? Sundae? Banana split? Information on any of the major supervillains?" The vendor asked.

"Super what-now?" Mermaid Man spoke in confusion. "Thanks, but no. I'd like two scoops of high-fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm."

"Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a supervillain. A hermit crab? Acts all sneaky?" The vendor asked.

"There's a sale on underpan—I—I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?!" Mermaid Man asked.

"That's him. Was here not long back. Said something about being hungry. I heard him mention the Krusty Krab as he left." The vendor confirmed.

"Jumping jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately." Barnacle Boy suggests.

"Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab, away!" Mermaid Man exclaimed as they left the beach.

"Well, I got rid of them for you." The vendor told Lincoln.

"Thanks for the help. I'll see if I can get the hermit's autograph for you." Lincoln thanked him.

"Great, thanks. No really." The vendor spoke. The walkie-talkie rings.

"Hello." Lincoln spoke into the walkie-talkie. The Sneaky Hermit spoke gibberish through it. "Sorry, they got past, but I promise you, sir, that's a mistake I'll never make again." He looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces. "Ah! Dang it!" He hid under the stand again.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs?" The vendor asked, instantly recognizing the supervillains.

"Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work." Dirty Bubble groaned.

"What a waste of two bucks." Man Ray said as he threw away his mask. "Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout."

"The secret one? That's just over the hill there." The vendor said.

"Well, that was easy." Dirty Bubble said with a happy grin.

"Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it." The vendor points over to a sign that reads "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair: 10 yards".

* * *

Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, the place is full of various items, including buildings. "So many buildings, so many possessions, all mine for the taking. And soon…" The chair turns, showing that it's empty. "That chair is just creepy." Muttley snickers.

"And soon, this entire town will be mine!" The Sneaky Hermit laughs. He then turns to a wedding picture. "Why, my love? Why must you leave and steal our house? Now, I must steal all of Toon City! And I…" Before he started ranting, he heard the doorbell. Muttley barks. "Aw, and I was just getting to the good part!"

The Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.

"Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last." Man Ray greeted.

"We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies!" Dirty Bubble spoke revealing a box.

"Smells great! Come on in!" Sneaky Hermit ushers them in and sits on his chair. "So, what brings you both here?"

"We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late." Dirty Bubble said. "And we're thinking of a team-up. A team-up of evil! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

"We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say?" Man Ray asked.

"Sounds delightful. And it will fit right into my own selfish and evil plans!" The Sneaky Hermit laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion. "I'm in." He pulls out a bag. "This prisoner here should be a fitting distraction for Mermaid Man. That'll give us plenty of time to do evil together."

"Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine!" Man Ray cheered. "Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness."

"Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit." Dirty Bubble gave his farewells.

"Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship." Man Ray said his goodbyes as they left with the bag containing the captive.

"And diabolical it will be." Sneaky Hermit laughs evilly. "Now there's no one to stand in my way! Ha-ha-ha!"

Muttley barks in evil laughter.

"Well, I'm off to visit a couple of unguarded supervillain lairs. Be sure to get some time on the treadmill before bed, little minion." Sneaky Hermit told his minion as he left.

Muttley grumbles.

* * *

Scene 5: Krusty Krab (Joy)

_**Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is—**_

**Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene!**

_**Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on.**_

**Thank you. Ahem. The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the Hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices.**

_**Ooh, monsieur, that was very good.**_

**Why, thank you. I have had some training and—wait, is this thing still on?**

_**Oop, the barnacles!**_

Cut to the inside of the Krusty Krab, where Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are dining on some Krabby Patties and French fries.

"Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase!" Barnacle Boy said.

"Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're in the middle of town." Mermaid Man said as a goose honk is heard. "Waiter?"

"Oh, geez." Barnacle Boy groans before sneezing. "Huh."

"A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it." Mermaid Man requested for more pepper.

"Coming up!" Joy calls out as she grinds pepper on the patty.

"Little more." The waiter grinds more. "More." She continues grinding more pepper. "Little more, thanks." She grinds more. "Just a bit more."

"Wow. You sure love pepper. How about you keep it?" Joy hands Mermaid Man the pepper grinder.

"Thanks. I sure love that pepper!" Mermaid Man said.

Barnacle Boy sneezes and groans. "We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit.

Just as she heard that name, Joy stopped. "Did you say "Sneaky Hermit"?"

"Yes, I did." Barnacle Boy replied.

"The hermit was on my high school curling team." Joy said, recounting her history with the hermit.

"Well, that's a coincidence." Barnacle Boy said.

"Uh-huh." Joy nods.

"Do you have any idea where this hermit is now?" Mermaid Man asked.

"Not a one." Joy shrugged.

"Well, have you seen anything suspicious?" Barnacle Boy asked.

"Well, I did catch a glimpse of Man Ray hauling a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket. Does that count?" Joy replied.

Barnacle Boy sat there in awe. "I call that suspicious."

"Yeah, cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket." Mermaid Man added, followed by a rimshot.

"When did you see this?" Barnacle Boy asked Joy.

"You just missed him. He went inside." Joy answers honestly.

"Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do!" Barnacle Boy stood up.

"To the Chum Bucket!" Mermaid Man stood as well.

"Thank you for coming! I hope we see you again!" Joy spoke.

"Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh yeah! To the Chum Bucket away!" Mermaid Man exclaims.

* * *

Scene 6: Chum Bucket (Coco Bandicoot)

At the Chum Bucket, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing their prisoner to run on a treadmill, creating a vortex of stinkiness.

"Oh, this is horrible! I do not like this at all!" The captive groans. "The treadmill, I can handle, but that food just reeks! Ugh!"

"That girl is so annoying." Dirty Bubble commented.

"Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes."

"The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea!" Dirty Bubble laughs.

"By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea!" Man Ray agrees just as they hear the invisible boat mobile. "Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoon mobile. Our heroes have arrived!"

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy enter through the double doors. "I'll have a burger and fries! Oop, hang on." Mermaid Man shouts before realizing his mistake and checks the script. "I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends!"

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here! My heart is on the brink of giving out!" Coco said as she continued to run.

"You're too late, Moron Man! Crash Bandicoot's sister is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness!" Dirty Bubble laughs. "The treadmill creates an electrostatic field, keeping the vile stench of the Chum Bucket food at bay. The second she stops running, BOOM! Nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time." He laughs again.

"That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kind of…icky." Mermaid Man said.

"Try to save the bandicoot's kid sister if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time." Dirty Bubble laughs evilly along with Man Ray. Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.

"Uh…Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy tapped his ally's shoulder.

"Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment." Mermaid Man apologized with a chuckle.

"So long, old timers!" Man Ray said as he leaves with the Dirty Bubble.

"Dagnabbit! This is only going to stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really got to free Crash's sister." Barnacle Boy said.

"Oh, yeah. The kid. You're going to be just fine." Mermaid Man said before smelling something rancid. "Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?!"

"It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man." Barnacle Boy replies as he starts flipping switches on the control panel. "We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive."

"Did you shut it off?" Mermaid Man asked.

"Nope." Barnacle Boy said.

Mermaid Man then tries to shut it off using Barnacle Boy.

"How 'bout now?"

"Nope."

Mermaid Man is now wearing a hat.

"Now?"

"Nope."

Coco breathes from exhaustion. "Take your time, guys. I'm in no rush to be rescued."

Mermaid Man throws a ball at Barnacle Boy. "Is it off?"

"Nope." Barnacle Boy replies.

"Still?" Mermaid throws another ball at Barnacle Boy.

"Nope."

Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're furious.

"We are so mad!" Man Ray shouted.

"We got double-crossed!" Dirty Bubble said.

Man Ray pushes the Dirty Bubble away. "While we were here setting up traps to keep you idiots from finding the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs!"

"Wow. That really is sneaky." Mermaid Man commented.

"Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us." Barnacle Boy said. "Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together?"

"That's pretty much why we're here." Dirty Bubble replied.

"Well, that was easy." Mermaid Man said.

"An old friend of mine's a hunter in Vivillon Valley who can track anything. I bet we will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with her help." Barnacle Boy said.

"Well, there's nothing much left to say except… super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil, unite!" Everyone joins hands. But they notice that they're forgetting something.

"Uh, guys? Bandicoot girl in trouble here." Coco reminded them.

"Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you." Man Ray apologized as he pressed a button, shutting off the machine. Coco collapses to her knees in exhaustion.

* * *

Scene 7: Vivillon Valley (Violet)

A gathering of multi-colored Vivillon flutter about the valley. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gaze through the tall grass while the Vivillon flutter above them.

"So where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy?" Man Ray said impatiently.

"Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember?" Barnacle Boy reminded him, a little miffed from the insult.

"Maybe the hunter is hunting down the Vivillon king." Mermaid Man deduced.

"Or maybe we're wasting our time." Dirty Bubble said. "What if this hunter, whoever she is, knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist at all?"

"I take it you boys are looking for someone, namely the Sneaky Hermit." They hear a voice. They look up a nearby cliff and see Violet.

"Curse that name!" Man Ray shouted loudly.

Violet gasps. "Shh! I'll help you guys out, but only if you stay quiet."

"Curse that name!" Man Ray repeated quietly.

"That's better. Follow me." Violet leads them to the Vivillon king. "Hermit crabs are known to carry a lot on their backs, which always puts them in danger of tipping over."

"I see." Barnacle Boy whispers.

"I see…when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again." Mermaid Man said. Dirty Bubble feels something.

"Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray!"

"For goodness sake, you don't have a foot, you infertile bubble!" Man Ray yelled loudly. His outburst scares the Vivillon king away.

Violet growls and locates the Vivillon king again. "The hermit seeks a bigger payload. I can wager there's a large building in the hermit's sights."

"The hermit wears tights?" Dirty Bubble asks.

"The permit test bites?" Barnacle Boy asks.

"Old Herbert was right?" Man Ray asks.

"The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas?" Mermaid Man asks loudly, scaring the Vivillon king away. Violet growls again. She leads them to the Vivillon king one more time.

"I think the hermit listens to ocarina music to help him sleep at night." Violet deduced.

"What the? That's not helpful!" Barnacle Boy said, not interested in that fact.

"Well, it could be." Dirty Bubble said.

"Yes, you never know." Man Ray agreed.

"Comfort is important, young ward." Mermaid Man added just as the Vivillon king flutters into view behind the super beings. Violet uses this chance to try and catch the Vivillon king, but just as she took her chance, the Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch, sending the Vivillon king flying away.

"Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know." Dirty Bubble apologized.

"Okay, that does it! If you promise not to bother me again, I'll track the hermit for you myself! Got it?!" Violet shouted in total anger.

"Oh, well, that's decent of you." Barnacle Boy chuckles. "You can come with us in our invisible boat mobile."

"Away!" Mermaid Man said quietly. Dirty Bubble belches again.

(Cut to another news report)

**Lance Lafontaine here with another news bulletin. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the assistance of the finest hunter in Vivillon Valley. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in Downtown Toon City. Not far from this very news studio…** The studio suddenly disappears. **Um… we'll be right back after this.**

* * *

Scene 7: Final Battle (Bowser/Kung Lao)

**Downtown Toon City, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the power of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza.**

The Sneaky Hermit goes around stealing a lot of stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boat mobile.

"She sure left in a rush." Dirty Bubble said referencing the hunter they recruited.

"I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye." Mermaid Man said.

"Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble." Man Ray commented.

"I was annoying?" Dirty Bubble asked.

"All that disgusting belching." Man Ray complained.

"Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit." Barnacle Boy said.

"Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit!" Man Ray joked followed by a rimshot.

The superheroes and supervillains share a good laugh. "The hermit's really in it for a surprise!" Dirty Bubble said as they continue laughing, unaware that the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boat mobile.

"Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boat mobile?" Mermaid Man asked.

"Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did." Barnacle Boy chuckles. "It's just over…" He sees that the invisible boat mobile is missing and gasps. "Oh my gosh!"

The super beings gasp in a shocking surprise.

"The invisible boat mobile! It's been stolen!" Mermaid Man shouts.

"And the one behind it is me!"

They hear a rough voice call out. "The Sneaky Hermit!" The superheroes and supervillains shout in unison.

"The one and only, losers!" Sneaky Hermit shouts.

"You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town." Barnacle Boy pointed out.

"And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive." Man Ray commented.

"You've stolen our invisible boat mobile, Sneaky Hermit!" Mermaid Man accused.

"You stole our evil lairs!"

"Evil bears?!" Mermaid Man shuddered as the screen shows two koala bears with evil red eyes.

"But why, Hermit? Why did you do it?"

"Even a villain deserves a good home." Sneaky Hermit admitted.

"A home? You've got all of Toon City on your back!" Barnacle Boy said.

"What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world?" Dirty Bubble questioned.

"That's…kind of the whole idea." Sneaky Hermit admitted.

"All on your back? Where will you stand?" Barnacle Boy asked.

"Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy!" Man Ray commented.

"Enough talk! Can we fight already?" Dirty Bubble asked, having enough.

"Hurrah!" Mermaid Man yelled, facing the wrong way. "Prepare to make a fool of yourself, Sneaky Hermit!" He talks as Barnacle Boy turns to face the hermit.

"Come and try, Mermaid Moron!" Sneaky Hermit challenged.

"I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is going to hurt."

"Creatures of the world unite!" Mermaid Man summons a swarm of jellyfish and sends them to attack. The Sneaky Hermit runs. The hermit's stunt double (Kung Lao) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then places another building onto his back.

"By all things dirty, I—uh…" Dirty Bubble stutters, unsure of what to do. "Make you dirty!" The Dirty Bubble charges at the stunt double. Kung Lao pulls a helicopter from the pile and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble crashes into a pile of garbage cans with Cali nearby.

"Meow?" Cali meowed.

The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant tower in the center of the city.

"The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Prism Tower!" Man Ray pointed out.

"Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Toon City!" Mermaid Man realized.

"Oh, barnacles." Barnacle Boy said defeated.

The Sneaky Hermit tries to lift the Prism Tower, but it's stuck. "Why won't this thing move?!"

"I know! I know! It's locked! Look!" Mermaid Man points to an oversized lock at the top of the tower. "You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there." The Sneaky Hermit sees a conveniently placed lift.

"Thanks for the heads-up!" The Sneaky Hermit thanked with a smirk.

The Dirty Bubble groans. "Why do you good guys have to be so helpful?"

The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the lift and goes up.

"We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening." Barnacle Boy chuckles.

"Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy!" Mermaid Man agreed. "All those in favor?"

"Aye!" All four shout.

"All against?" Mermaid Man asked.

"Nay!" Sneaky Hermit calls out.

"Quiet you!" Barnacle Boy spat.

"Alright, there's not much left to say but…to the window-washer lifts on the side of the Prism Tower building to rescue Toon City from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit," As Mermaid Man talked, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start. Mermaid Man breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm. "…away!"

Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get on one lift and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy follow in another lift to catch up to the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.

"You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing." Mermaid Man called out to the hermit.

"Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here." Dirty Bubble said.

"Gladly! Prepare for my hermit nippers!" Sneaky Hermit fires his hermit nippers. The Dirty Bubble dodges them.

The Dirty Bubble laughs. "Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom!" Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges it, hitting Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.

"Oh, geez!" Barnacle Boy coughed. "That smells worse than Mermaid Man's socks."

"Ha! If you think that's funny, wait 'til you see my sneaky frightener!"

The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.

"Boo!"

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.

"Okay, now this is getting weird." Man Ray said.

"The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool!" Barnacle Boy unleashes his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges, making the whirlpool hit the Dirty Bubble instead.

"Hey, w-watch it! You're going to make me s-s-spill my lunch!" Dirty Bubble called out as he spun around.

"Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling!" Barnacle Boy pointed out. "Before she left, the hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means?"

"We're having prune and broccoli pudding for dessert tonight?" Mermaid Man made a dumb guess.

"No, you old coot. Pepper!" Barnacle Boy told him. "We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze."

"Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some."

"You got some in your pocket from before!"

"Oh, this isn't helping at all." Dirty Bubble said as they all reach the very top of the Prism Tower.

Mermaid Man pulls out the pepper grinder. "Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I got to warn you, it's especially tasty. The jig is up!

"Ha! Do you really think a little pepper can defeat…" The hermit laughed before remembering his weakness. "Uh-oh."

"By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper!" Mermaid Man shouts as he sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face.

"Ah—hah…" The hermit breathed as he started to sneeze.

Mermaid Man looks down from the top of the tower. "You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore."

"You got that right, old man. Let's scoot." Barnacle Boy agreed as they let go and descend.

"Gah—hah—hah…"

"I think those bumbling ninnies have the right idea. Let's get out of here!" Man Ray said.

"Not so fast, Man Ray!" Dirty Bubble pleaded. "I'm still feeling…" Man Ray lets go and descends down. "…queaaaaaassssyyyyy!"

"AAAAACHOOOOOO!" The Sneaky Hermit's sneeze was so powerful it sent him flying off the building and across the sky. "Beaten by a mere sneeze?! NO!" As the hermit flew away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Toon City is back to the way it is. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy land safely on the ground.

"Well, we sure did teach that fellow something about not stealing buildings and storing them on your back and plotting to take over the world." Barnacle Boy said.

"We sure did. And teaming up with our enemies worked." Mermaid Man agreed just as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble land safely on the ground.

"Spinning, spinning, spinning!" Dirty Bubble said feeling sick as he left somewhere to throw up.

"Eeewww!" Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy and Man Ray cringe in disgust.

"Feeling good now, Dirty Bubble?" Mermaid Man asked.

"No. I think I'm almost back to feeling evil again." Dirty Bubble said.

"Oh.

"So, would you like to come and throw rocks with us?" Man Ray suggested.

"No, we're still good, I'm afraid." Barnacle Boy turned the invitation down.

"Oh. So, um… Ah, the heck with it. Come, Dirty Bubble, I'm tired of all this goodness!" Man Ray said. "Let's go steal chocolate chips out of the prison warden's cookies!"

"Now you're talking. Time for some evil!" Dirty Bubble agreed as Man Ray draws large eyebrows on Mermaid Man's face.

"Evil?" Mermaid Man said blankly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble ran off into the streets to continue doing evil.

"Uh…Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy spoke up.

"Yes, son?" Mermaid Man asked.

"Are you, uh, going to fix that anytime soon?"

"All in good time, Barnacle Boy."

"So, what do you say we go see the rest of that performance at the Opera House?"

"We're going back to the football game?! Hot dog! I love football!" Mermaid Man exclaims happy about coming back to the Opera House.

"Oh, geez. It's not foot…" Barnacle Boy stuttered before giving in. "Oh, whatever. Yep. Let's go see the rest of the "football game."

"Yippee!" Mermaid Man cheered as he and Barnacle Boy enter the invisible boat mobile. "Ice cream, ice cream. Can I have ice cream?"

"As much as you want, old chum."

"Hee, hee! Best day ever!" Mermaid Man cheers as he drives away.

**And so once again, the forces of badness have been outdone by the forces of goodness. And thank goodness, there's an end to the madness. Tune in next time for another mostly interesting episode of **_**The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy**_**!**

_**Ah, monsieur, you really are very good at that.**_

**Thanks again, my French companion. There's a funny story about how I got into cartoons. You see, when I was just a kid, I had this deep voice…**

The episode ends as the announcer's voice faded as he talked.


End file.
